Scream Your Head Off - Make The Seven Exhibitions of Yourself!

I don't know if it's an Irish thing or whether its across the board but do we Irish sit back and take crap....sometimes yes....but not always..

Its funny how one can go into protection mode when one of their loved ones isn't getting the care they deserve.

My mother was a teacher for 15 years when she was diagnosed.  She taught Art and Literacy.  She worked every day to provide us with the things we needed.  She was a hero.  She paid her taxes and was one of the most honest people I have ever met.  She was the type of woman who walked into a store, got too much change and always handed it back..no matter how small or large the denomination.

When your a carer and you know how generous and honest someone is it totally infuriates you to think that they are being screwed..and that is what happened my mom.

Not far into her diagnoses she was told she was to have chemo.  Grand..we can deal with that.  Because my mom earned a salary and at the time there was no drugs payment scheme she was not entitled to a medical card, which meant that any treatment she had to have or drugs would have to be funded by ourselves.

Now my mom was a teacher..not financially flush by any means but she earned a living and provided for three kids all her life, paid a mortgage and put food in our mouths and clothes on our backs so when the chemist told me that the monthly prescription she was going to have to have was going to run upwards of €1000 I nearly dropped dead..

She didn't have that much, she had a few thousand in savings but at this rate that would be gone due to the fact that  she had to pay for her meds, (she didn't have private health insurance ) and I wasn't going to stand for it.

When I told her she was like "well we will apply for a medical card and I will pay it until we get that"  I checked and these things could take about 3 months to get...then they told her she wasn't entitled to one because of her earnings the previous year... I ran amok!!!

I contacted Bertie Ahern, the Irish Prime Minster at the time and caused ructions...he informed me he would look into it..weeks passed and no luck...made threats to call Gerry Ryan..local radio host at the time...Bingo...Medical Card in the post.

The same happened in the hospital, mom got a call to go in for this new treatment...when we arrived they told us there were no available beds, we left and went home, mom was like "oh, well probably someone worse off needs it"...got a call the next day and off we went back up to the hospital, they told us they had no beds...

I lost the plot, I started screaming and shouting about playing with peoples emotions then took out my phone and told the doctor "grand, I have a friend who works for Gerry Ryan" I started pretending to dial the phone number...now I don't have a friend who works for Gerry Ryan...then I was like "Mary, yeah, we are back here again and they are telling us they haven't a bed...yeah I'm willing to go on live" the doctors face dropped and within fifteen minutes my mom was tucked up in the ward...

I probably went overboard but sometimes you need to.  I respect Doctors, I know they have a job to do, but their job is to help those in need..I know politics doesn't help and it isn't personal for them...but it is for us...its very personal, its the difference between life and death!

My advise to anyone dealing with anyone is fight fight and more fight...threats threats and more threats..its the only way to get anything done.  The more embarrassing you are the better...

Day Three After Surgery - My Mom's Diary Entry

This is an excerpt from my mom's diary, only she can explain how this felt:

"Well I have had the tests, I've even had the op.  Ovarian Cancer.  I don't know if I can even spell it right.  It's invaded my body and I'm not sure how to spell it correctly.  For two days I've planned my funeral in my head.  It looks pretty gloomy.

I've a malignant Tumor on one overy, a growth on the other.  the cancer has spread to some fatty tissues that runs across the stomach. they will remove the overy and the fallopian tubes and the womb.  The problem may be that the Tumor is stuck to the bowel.  After the op I feel fine.  I don't feel as though they have taken much.  They haven't...not even one overy.

I'm to have eight sessions of chemo in-between they will try to operate again.

Todays Quote:

This is the true joy of life

Being used for a purpose

Recognised by yourself 

As a mighty one

Being a force of nature

Instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances

Complaining that the world will devote itself to making you happy

You have Cancer...WTF!

How mom felt on day one!

I remember the day I found out my mom had cancer.  It was only a few days after she found out herself.  My mom had told me that she had a cyst on her ovary and that she was going in as an in patient to get it removed.  She told me it was no big deal and she was delighted that someone was eventually doing something about it.

My mom was so convincing she even made jokes about feeling like Sigourney Weaver and getting the Alien out of her.  It's easy to think that things are better than they are when your mother is telling you everything is grand. She's your mother, you think that of all the people who will tell you the truth it would be her.

I know she was only protecting us but one can feel a little disappointed when you find out you are being left in the dark.  The funny thing is I remember when I found out saying to her "why didn't you tell me, I needed to know" and "I feel like a muppet".  This was not about me....My mother was ill and there I was thinking, woe is me, my mom is sick, what am I to do....

Anyway, I knew she was having her "minor surgery" at about 10am and I was in work thinking great she will be so much better after this.  I tried calling her mobile a few times after 11am knowing that if it was minor then she would be out quite soon, I tried again and again into the afternoon.  At about 2pm having worked in a hospital and knowing how to get through to surgeons myself I decided to ring the hospital desk and ask to page the registrar of her surgeon.

Score, I got through.  The registrar picked up and I stated that my mother had undergone surgery and I wanted to know how she got on.  The registrars first reply was "oh yeah, well the tumours were to big to remove, we are going to have to sit down and think of other options"  I was stunned...I replied "are you telling me my mother has cancer" I asked stupidly...."oh God, I'm sorry, your going to have to talk to her consultant" and hung up.

I sat there in a state of shock for what appeared to be ages but it must have been only a couple of seconds.  One of my colleagues passed me and I must have been just staring at the phone receiver because she came over and took it off me.....

The next hour was a blur, I don't know how I got to the hospital but I did and I was sitting by her bed when she woke up...her first words to me were "Is it gone, did they get it"  It was totally heart breaking, but she was a fighter and when I told her no she just asked "OK, what's the new plan"  I just took her hand, gave it a squeeze and said "we fight it"..she didn't want my younger sister finding out she was sick, she was still the baby.

That day was one of the worst in my life.  I haven't had many bad days but that was a bad day.  My one piece of advise to someone who finds out their parent or loved one has been diagnosed with cancer is...don't  think about how this affects you, think about how this affects them, they are the important ones in this situation, you can deal with your emotions later but for right now, its all about them, just be there for them.

Todays quote from my mom's diary:
                            If you only walk where the sun shines you will never complete your journey.
                                                                                                           Unknown

Betty Byrne / McDonnell a total legend!

Firstly I would like to thank you for reading, be patient, this blog is not about me really, but about someone far more important....My mom. 

My mothers birthday is soon upon me and for many reasons it seems important to share our experiences of dealing with Cancer with other Cancer patients, survivors and family members of these couragous and stong people.  I say 'our' experiences because although my mother lost her battle with the disease she kept a diary of almost every emotion she experienced right until the end and I would like to share these with others along with some of my own.

I was, for the last year of her life, my mothers full time carer.  This time was the most rewarding time of my life.  It was tough at times, but not always.  It is always there, in the back of your head, that they might be going somewhere but you just have to push that all to the back of your head and embrace every opportunity to share, to laugh, to love and to remember all those wonderful times you have shared with each other.

My mother was one of the most amazing women I have ever met....and I'm not being biased.  She was an amazing woman.  Her whole life was about her children.  She spent every day telling us how amazing we were, how beautiful we were and how talanted we were. 

Now, I could have been the dullest, most unattractive and useless loser that ever walked the planet but due to her total bias, and total sincerity I believed every word of it.

I am an avid Eastenders fan and was total appaled by the Tanya storyline, not because its about Cancer, I think it's an important storyline but because of the way they are dealing with it.  I know, I know, its 'Eastenders', a soap, its supposed to be far fetched but for the love of God. 

I'm not going to go on about what exactly I found dreadfull as this is not a blog about 'Eastenders' its a blog about dealing with Cancer and being the child of a perent with cancer.  Every person who deals with this disease has a different experience.  Not all of these experiences are bad. 

There are many different types of Cancer and who am I to say what one would or wouldn't do in any circumstance or how treatment effects different people, I can only write about what I know.

My mother was officially diagnosed on the 31st June 1996.  I was 19 years old and the eldest of three. She had been complaining for months about being totally swollen and feeling pregnant, but this was impossible as she had been seperated from my father for years and the only people she cared about was us, her kids.

I was a really independant young woman and had moved out the year before.  I remember getting a call in the middle of the night prior to her being diagnosed and she was screaming in pain.  I immediately drove to her and  I took her to the emergency room.  We spent hours in A&E, some 12 year old doctor saw us and x-rayed her and told her it was a kidney infection and sent us on our way.

I had a feeling that night something wasn't right, but who was I to argue with a young doctor.  This soon changed after she was diagnosed, I argued with a lot of them.  Anyway, I dont want to start this blog with a random string of thoughts that go nowhere but I will leave you with this, it's a quote, one of the first in my moms diary:

Feeling sorry for yourself and your present condition is not only a waste

of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.

                                                                              Dale Carnegie